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Untitled (10/5/09)

October 7, 2009

tear pages off an insistent memory
softened, rubbing, smooth, yellow
brisk with scented charm and stale, but
a fake way to smile can still make it seem better

that instance, hollowed out just by a word,
a thought,
a desultory smile comes rushing, breaks my
calm,
forged in acid baths it no longer wants,
those memories sit, sifting,
shimmering on the surface of scum

each light fingering of joy,
just barely touching some part that still smells
new things

only trying not to cringe, to wear the most perfunctory gaze available,
to not crash headlong into another waiting misery

no guarantees are ever made, but the organs are still functioning,
intakes and perceptions glistening,
begging for attention and peace, air to live by,
space

i try not to remember everything, each moment, daily, eclipsing every
new sense to be made

sometimes i let it go

but most times,
i am unmoved in the most earthly desires,
choosing instead to remember
what i am not
and who i have not been.

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