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Untitled (2/15/10)

July 6, 2010

do i look terrible
do i look like love
squirming in a chair
waiting to see you unfold

always so calm, calm etched in your fingers, calm tapping fingertips,
clean nails,
silent pressures on the leather grip,
soft waiting,

and a hard look you think is masked
but i can feel your coldness coming on

i can wait like you can wait
but i do nothing like the gestures you make,
and i can’t talk so vibrantly and vacantly and smoothly,
and safe-
you seem to want to make me feel safe
and i feel only growing discomfort and shame to sit with you

the dread only deepening as you seem to care more,
to think you understand even,
and when you look at me

i feel terror to be seen
the way you see me

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